I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
