If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
