Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
