I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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