Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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