theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
