Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
