i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
