if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
