a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
