Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
