if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize