I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
