shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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