i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
