Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
