i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i was born a porn star she said
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Randomize
