Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
it was like his penis was on wheels.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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