We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
soo... how was my night?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize