I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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