My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
i black out too much to be "responsible"
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
