im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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