she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
