is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
