u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
