you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
