don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
