When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
farters have to be the big spoon...
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
