If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
