hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
3 2 1 whiskey
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
