Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
