he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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