I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
