remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Everything about him screamed your future.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
