Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
it's like heaven, but drunker
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
