Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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