Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
