to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
