What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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