btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
