I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
