he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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