You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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