you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
