I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
