my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
