did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
