vagina is talking i cant
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
