i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm just crazy horny about you
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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