True but thats because hes a fetus.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
So apparently I’m into choking now
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
