Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She swung at the pinata with crutches
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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