At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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