I seem to have left my pride at pride
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
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