He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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