Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
