I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
