After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
