Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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