I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
