Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
