I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
