We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
