and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
