Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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