At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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