I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
