the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
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