She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Randomize
