p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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