oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
