Only a mothe r could love this liver
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
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Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
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Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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