His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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