did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
