John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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