I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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