No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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