Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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