Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Come see our sink grown plant.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Randomize
