he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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