The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
