Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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