Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Randomize
